I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
