i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
