I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
