im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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