Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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