put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
