That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Boobs are out for the taking
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
