I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
