Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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