So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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