can u get pink eye on your cock?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I miss vodka workout Fridays
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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