8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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