Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
