she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
