She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
