Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
