yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
