fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
