You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
