At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
