Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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