do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
