I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
