went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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