I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
