I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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