me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
