dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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