just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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