im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
