Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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