I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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