did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
