I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
