Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
