I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
