I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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