Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
