Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just found puke in my bra..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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