Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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