the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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