I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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