John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
is it fun? or sober?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
