My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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