Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
