i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize