this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
