i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
