Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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