It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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