$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
