she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
