I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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