If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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