watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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